“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”
‘Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.’
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.
From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.”
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children.
Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane.
You know it’s a no frills airline when the Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
Dieting is wishful shrinking.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.
A kid’s idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand.
A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it.
My wife is on a well-known diet plan… so far she’s lost $300.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is a balanced diet.
Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
I’m an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time!