Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.

I must admit he exhibits the most extraordinary capacity for middle age that I’ve ever encountered in a young man of twenty-four.

Women your age are more likely to be mauled at the zoo than get married.

I’d like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

The four stages of a man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

When I broke in, they didn’t have bats – we just grabbed the branch of a tree.

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

You know you’re getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

A man has more character in his face at forty than at twenty… he has suffered longer.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.