Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

You don’t have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

It is a sobering thought, that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Senescence begins and middle age ends, the day your descendants outnumber your friends.

If you live to be ninety in England and can still east a boiled egg they think you deserve the Nobel Prize.

The average age of our bench is deceased.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

The four stages of a man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional.

I’ll tell ‘ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

Did you ever look in a mirror and wonder how your pantyhose got so wrinkled… and then remember you weren’t wearing any?

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

I have a lot of growing up to do; I realized that the other day inside my fort.

It’s a good thing to be old, because that means you haven’t died yet, right?