Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

She may very well pass for forty three… in the dusk with the light behind her.

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.

You know you’re getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

Puberty is a phase… fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.

If youth but had the knowledge and old age the strength.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

As I get older I’m going to hear “You look great” a lot less than I’m going to hear “You look sick.”

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face; my advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

When you are down and out something always turns up – and it is usually the noses of your friends.

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.

In Los Angeles, by the time you’re 35, you’re older than most of the buildings.