The young feel tired at the end of an action; the old at the beginning.

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

She’s all done up like a well-kept grave.

She’ll never admit it, but I believe it is Mama.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

You still chase women, but only downhill.

A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

There are no old people nowadays; they are either ‘wonderful for their age’ or dead.

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for our to amuse them.

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.