Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

We grow too soon old and too late smart.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

Life not only begins at forty – it begins to show.

I’ve dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

People who say you’re just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to age.

Anyone can get old; all you have to do is live long enough.

Middle age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, “Why not?” and the other, “Why bother?”

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth; it is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.