Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.
Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?
A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.
Don’t forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.
Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can’t find herself a man. She doesn’t like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn’t like her.
No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?
If you see me with a water bottle, there’s probably vodka in it
The speed of light is when you take out a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.
We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
You’re never too old to become younger.
Women your age are more likely to be mauled at the zoo than get married.
Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.
By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won’t die young.
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.