Only in America are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink.
In America, anyone can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
I’m not saying you’re lazy, but you should try out for “American Idle”.
Vegetarian: Native American definition for “lousy hunter”
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
5 out of every 4 Americans has trouble with fractions.
Prevent hangovers… Stay drunk.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I drink to make other people interesting.
I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.
My liver has been bad and must be punished.
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
There is a devil in every berry of the grape.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
I have a drinking problem – I can’t afford it.
Remember: “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.