Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
People who claim they don’t let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
People usually get what’s coming to them…unless it’s been mailed.
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears this is true.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
One nice thing about egotists – they don’t talk about other people.
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.