California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.

Between here and Florida, ya got your original 48 states.

America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

… as American as English muffins and French toast.

In America any boy may become President and I suppose it’s just one of the risks he takes.

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

We are for the underdog, no matter how much of a dog he is.

That is what has made America last these past 200 centuries.

Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

The greatest American superstition is belief in facts.

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland.

Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.

‘Bush and Son: Leading America to War Since 1990.’