Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They’re all lawyers.”
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.
Animals aren’t as stupid as people think: after all, they don’t have any lawyers.
There are two kinds of lawyers — those who know the law and those who know the judge.
A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge.
It’s not a shortage of judges that causes the problems in our courts; it’s the excess of lawyers.
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.
Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their profession. No one would build a robot to do nothing.
If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator — It would be a good idea to just leave them there.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?… He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.
Father talking to his son: “Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie, and before you know it, you’re a lawyer.”
Those who look for beauty, find it.
Beauty is in the eye of it’s beholder.
Beauty seldom recommends one to another.
Beauty is skin-deep. Ugly goes to the bone.