A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
A closed mouth gathers no feet
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable…except from a vending machine.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Borrow money from pessimists–they don’t expect it back.
Black holes are where God divided by zero
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Be nice to your kids – they’ll pick your nursing home!
Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse–it’ll be a great trade!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Assassins do it from behind