I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I souport publik edekasion.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just would not listen.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my panty hose on fire.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
I don’t get even, I get odder.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I can’t dial 911 – there’s no 11 on my phone.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.