What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?
Let the kids pay it – they still owe us rent and gas money.
Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.
Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?
I think that I would be a good father… especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.
Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.
My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
You think Oedipus had a problem — Adam was Eve’s mother.
You should emulate your hero’s, but don’t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Yield to Temptation … it may not pass your way again.
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.