Adolescence is that period in a kid’s life when parents become more difficult.
With Photoshop so readily available, there’s no reason ever to have a party for a two-year-old.
You might be a redneck if… your child’s first words are “Attention Kmart shoppers!
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.
Never raise your hands to your kids… it leaves your groin unprotected.
Children should neither be seen nor heard from… ever again.
I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.
It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.
We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”
The sun always rises in the baby’s bedroom window.
Little League baseball is a good thing ’cause it keeps the parents off the streets, and it keeps the kids out of the house!
We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia; let them walk to school like I did!
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
My wife and I decided we don’t want children; if someone wants them, we’ll drop them off tomorrow.
Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.
The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.