Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don’t want to be touched by anyone else’s.
My dog’s favorite bone is in my arm!
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!
Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Some dog I got too; we call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.
I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger; my first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.
That dog was so lazy he leaned against a fence to bark.
What’s black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.
The measure of a bird dog’s intelligence can be determined by the length of time it takes to resign yourself to his way of thinking.
You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.
All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.
You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.