The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we’ll find their money.
Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet; they should be the luckiest animals in the world.
Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.
It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.
My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.
Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.
Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Armadillo: Possum on the half shell.
Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
The great thing about racehorses is you don’t need to take them for walks.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem; there’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.
Cat bathing is a martial art.
I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car… in the lobby of Caesar’s Palace.
You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.