Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves.
Those who admire the freedom of birds have never built a nest.
Those we hurt the most are often those we love the most.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.