I am a nutritional overachiever.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Home is where you hang your @.
Help wanted: telepath. You know where to apply.
Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalgraphically challenged.
He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He who hesitates is probably right
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Half the people you know are below average.
Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
Give me ambivalence or give me something else.