If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?

If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If Jesus and Satan both had a mailbox, who would get more mail and why?

If Jesus and Satan both had a mailbox, who would get more mail and why?

If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.