OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Not afraid of heights — afraid of widths.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The new Congressmen say they’re going to turn the government around. I hope I don’t get run over again.
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it’s supposed to do.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.