The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
They told me I was gullible … and I believed them!
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
There are always death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.
Televangelists: The pro wrestlers of religion.
Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Sure you can trust the government – just ask an Indian!
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Stupidity got us into this mess — why can’t it get us out?
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!