Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

A plastic surgeon’s office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he’s not examining me is home studying medicine.

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.


Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician.

I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.

The biggest difference between the psychiatrist and the patient is that the psychiatrist has learned how to live with it.

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.