Gnats, mosquitoes, and other flying pests are more likely to go for the ears, eyes, nose, and throat when both hands are in use.

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it’s no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole’s foot.

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it’s no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole’s foot.

Chicken: An egg’s way of making more eggs.

I wanna put stickers on turtles… I don’t know why.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

I’m afraid of sharks – but only in a water situation.

I’m afraid of sharks – but only in a water situation.

Don’t take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Zebra: A horse behind bars.