A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that’s what they do half the time.

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

It’s a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it’s a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

Man should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

Fish and visitors smell in three days.

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

There are no seeing eye cats, of course, because the sole function of cats, in the Great Chain of Life, is to cause harm to human beings.

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

They should call fishing what it really is… tricking and killing!