I’m just driving this way to get you mad.
I may be driving slow, but I’m in front of you.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
There are two kinds of pedestrians…the quick and the dead.
Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
Despite the saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives!
My wife’s version of money laundering is cleaning out my pockets every night while I am asleep.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
No one ever complained of parachute not opening
I’m so great, i’m jealous of myself
Why do boy bands sound like girls?
Future depends on your dreams…. So go to sleep….
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.