Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.
No one likes change but babies in diapers.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
My words are like a china phone. They have no guarantee!
There is no cure for laziness but a large family helps.
Remember, you are not alone. Everybody’s family is crazy.
Relatives are people who come to dinner who aren’t friends
Stupidity runs in the family… It’s a good thing I’m adopted.
Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
I’m not driving fast-just flying low.