One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

One of my movies was called True Lies. It’s what the Democrats should have called their convention.

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

One man’s folly is another man’s wife.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.