The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

That dog was so lazy he leaned against a fence to bark.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

I have nothing against dogs; I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

All dogs look up to you; all cats look down to you… only the pig looks at you as an equal.

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your… Read more »

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

You may have a dog that won’t sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she’s too stupid to learn how but because she’s too smart to bother.

My dog’s favorite bone is in my arm!

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don’t want to be touched by anyone else’s.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.