Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

‘Do you know if pigs have periods?’ ‘Are you kidding me? What idiot would keep a pig until she’s 14?’

Don’t feed the animals at the zoo! You should better feed the security guard!

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut… Read more »

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he’s in, he shuts… Read more »

What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

Scientists proved that cows don’t give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”