I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.
I used to believe that chiropractors where charlatans, but then I went to one, and now I stand corrected.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four, unless there were three other people.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he knows what it is.
I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!
The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.
One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.
Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.
My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, “Maybe life isn’t for everyone.”
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
A plastic surgeon’s office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!
The kind of doctor I want is one who when he’s not examining me is home studying medicine.
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.
I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.