Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.
A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.
I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician.
I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.
One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.
Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.
Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.
The biggest difference between the psychiatrist and the patient is that the psychiatrist has learned how to live with it.
One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.
I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!
I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.
Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”
Optometrist: A person you have to see.
He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.