Category Archives: Divorce One Liners

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money.

I’m single now, and it’s really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I’ve just been cheating.

I don’t think I’ll get married again; every five years or so, I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

After five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

I’m still friends with all my ex’s, apart from my husbands.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

When I got divorced, it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury.

Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was.