Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?

I’m an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time!

Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off of it.

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out,but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.