“Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose!”

“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

“I am a better person when I have less on my plate.”

“The individual who says it is not possible should move out of the way of those doing it.”

One should eat to live, not live to eat.

I buy Hefty designer jeans, not at the Gap, at the Gorge.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.

It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.

The Cardiologist’s Diet: If it tastes good, spit it out

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends.

I’m allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me!