A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren’t broken.

Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.

Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet. The Internet: Designed for UNIX.

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.

Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.

Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.

Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.

Programmer – A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Computers will never replace books. You can’t stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.

A computer is almost human – except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

Every program has two purposes — one for which it was written and another for which it wasn’t.

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.

The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila”

If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.