Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Logic is a systematic method to coming to the wrong answer with confidence.
The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won’t get much sleep.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
It’s so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
It’s not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
It’s no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
It’s men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.