Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
The reason why women over fifty don’t have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
The real reason you can’t take it with you is that it goes before you do.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
People who claim they don’t let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
People usually get what’s coming to them…unless it’s been mailed.
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.