If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’re never lost.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.
If you can read this, you’re in range.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?