A baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

Baby-sitter: a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper. It doesn’t permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for a while.

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. I was reading it and it said: day one, still tired from the move. Day two, everybody talks to me like… Read more »