Category Archives: Animal One Liners

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

The great thing about racehorses is you don’t need to take them for walks.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem; there’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car… in the lobby of Caesar’s Palace.

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up… I couldn’t find tractors small enough to fit it.

There are no handles to a horse, but the 1910 model has a string to each side of its face for turning its head when there is anything you want… Read more »