Category Archives: Animal One Liners

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is heavily influenced by whether or not I have bread.

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, “I can’t knit, get this away from me!”

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

If you give a person a fish, they’ll fish for a day; but if you train a person to fish, they’ll fish for a lifetime.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up… I couldn’t find tractors small enough to fit it.

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look whether they’ve seen a moth or an ax murder.

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we’ll find their money.

Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet; they should be the luckiest animals in the world.

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.