I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem; there’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

You know you’re a redneck if you’ve ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

If God didn’t want us to eat animals, then why’d he make them so tasty?

There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order.

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

They should call fishing what it really is… tricking and killing!

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old boy.