When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

Moose with calf injures woman near Grand Lake and both are put down by wildlife officials. Agree with the policy?

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass… Read more »

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, “Is that Rod Stewart in first class?”

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on.

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that’s what they do half the time.

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

It’s a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it’s a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies of it.