I got drunk last night and my house wasn’t where I left it.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks
There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers.
It’s better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
If you wet your feet your throat will reject. If you ‘wet’ your throat your feet will reject.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday – eight hours.
To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
By the cup of Nescafé even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka – into actions.
There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can’t drive a car and start behaving illogically.
He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.
I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!
After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names…
That one liner ‘i’m not drinking too much tonight’ never goes as planned…
Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.
Transitional age is when during a hot day you don’t know what you want – ice cream or beer.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer… I saw the video… we need to talk.
What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.