Middle age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, “Why not?” and the other, “Why bother?”

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth; it is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

The young feel tired at the end of an action; the old at the beginning.

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

She’s all done up like a well-kept grave.

She’ll never admit it, but I believe it is Mama.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

You still chase women, but only downhill.