Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

Old age is like everything else; to make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

I refuse to admit I’m more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, a child may see his parents age twenty years.

I can tell a woman’s age in half a minute — and I do!

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

We grow too soon old and too late smart.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

Life not only begins at forty – it begins to show.

I’ve dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

People who say you’re just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to age.

Anyone can get old; all you have to do is live long enough.