One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.
Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.
You’re never too old to become younger.
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving… he said it was elevator practice.
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
Retire? … I’m going to stay in show business until I’m the only one left.
The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have remembrances of what never happened.
I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.
People who say you’re just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.
I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
I was born nine months premature.
I’d like to grow very old as slowly as possible.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
I don’t need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.