You’re never too old to become younger.

Women your age are more likely to be mauled at the zoo than get married.

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won’t die young.

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.

Senescence begins and middle age ends, the day your descendants outnumber your friends.

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Yesterday: The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

Women are as old as they feel and men are old when they lose their feelings.

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.